Meetings, Part 1 (Gloomhaven party back story)

Gloomhaven, a city on the edge of civilization.  There were lots of opportunities to be had in such a place, particularly if one did not mind the occasional (or frequent) bending of the law.  How much law there even was here depended on where you were.  The city guard ruled the city, but did not patrol all parts equally.  It is in the poorest area of town that our story begins.

A vermling, a race shunned by most; she grew up in a pack, but always felt a bit apart, special even.  “Cookie”; it was the first word she knew, so of course it was her name.  The funny thing was whenever she thought the word, if there was anyone around, they seemed compelled to offer a small tasty treat.  She gathered people called these a “cookie” also; must be in honor of her.  She wasn’t particularly welcome in the rundown taverns and inns of the district.  The tall folk frequently chased her out with brooms or utensils.  Still, whenever she thought “cookie”, they would relent for a while and offer one of the tasty morsels.  Cookie would gobble up her morsel and then scurry off to some alley or other for a well-earned nap.  After a while, though, Cookie grew curious.  There were other smells from the kitchen besides the morsels she was given, and in the dining halls, she could see shiny objects catching her eye with their glint.  Surely, if her senses were so drawn to them, these things were hers to take.  The big folk were often too distracted to notice her scamper in and out with a newfound prize in her furry hands.

Elsewhere in these slums, a young human was growing up.  Orphaned at a young age, Keliah had to learn to fend for herself.  It gave her an edge, which as far as she was concerned was for the better.  The world was clearly an unfair place, so what use had she for the rules of so-called society.  The real definition of “property” should be whatever one could grab and hold.  So, Keliah took to a life of petty theft; pick pocketing, breaking and entering, and the occasional mugging.

The best place to work were the overcrowded taverns on the edge of the district; enough wealth came in, while enough law stayed out.  This day, Keliah had her eye on a mark with a purse that was clearly too large for his needs.  His lack of attention practically begged her to take it.  She moved slowly towards him around the perimeter of the room, staying in the shadows.  Closer and closer, just a few more steps and she could grab her prize, when all of a sudden, a fuzzy blur darted out from under the benches and between the oaf’s boots, lifting the coin purse that Keliah was so carefully stalking.  The little rat creature scurried away, with Keliah now in hot pursuit, abandoning her stealth.

Keliah almost lost sight of the furry flee-er as she darted into an alley.  Keliah just managed to keep up and finally cornered the vermling.  “You stole my target!” Keliah shouted.  The vermling looked confused; “But this wants to be Cookie’s shinies.”  Keliah was taken back by the strange logic; but also she felt a tugging at her brain.  Somehow, this strange little vermling seemed to be manipulating her thoughts.  The two began to argue.  As they exchanged words, they realized they had more in common then the simple, initial disagreement over a few coins.  By night’s end, they had somehow reached an agreement; working together could be far more profitable then working separately.  Now, to visit the Quatryl community to see about a fence, and maybe some gadgets . . .

 

On the Road Again

Father Bento’s circus has spent the past week in Perrinvale, in the north of Cambria.  Perrinvale was long the holding of the noble Perrin family, but the last Lord Perrin was a vocal opponent of Lord Protector Davant.  As his outbursts against the crown continued, Lord Davant convicted him of treason, fearing that he might otherwise rise in armed rebellion.  A dispatch of royal soldiers came to arrest him, and Lord Randyll Perrin was reported dead in the skirmish.  Perrinvale is now governed by a mayor, appointed by the crown, and Castle Perrin houses a small contingent of royal soldiers.  Still, Perrinvale is the second most prosperous town in Cambria, behind only the capital itself, so the circus does well here.

Currently, the circus is made of 9 acts; the Fabulous Fitzroy the Magician, and Darvin, who performs little tricks on the side; the sword fighters, Rollo, wearing the patchwork look of a merceneary, and Calista, with the polished armor of a soldier; Remy and Sabine, the acrobats; Torvald the lion tamer and keeper of exotic animals; the wrestlers, Boris the Brute and Kendrick the Quick; Stasia, the fortune teller; Patrice and Crispin, the jugglers; Emrys, the minstrel, and Luma, another minstrel, newer to the circus; and a fairly new knife thrower, Evora.  Along with the performers and Father Bento himself, there is his right hand man, and apparent bodyguard, Marek, and Megyn, a young lass of about eleven, whom Father Bento is tutoring, and three laborers, Ben and Sven, and the newest, the diminutive Othrin.  Sven also doubles as the circus chef, known for a meatballs and gravy dish, though no one has ever really dared to question what qualifies as the “meat”.

Despite the comfortable pickings in Perrinvale, Father Bento has decided to move on, keeping the circus in motion, as it usually is.  The wagons were packed, and this morning, they made their way east along the North road, leading to Lumberton.  This is a back road of the kingdom, both less traveled and less maintained then the main road running to the capital.  Tales in the local taverns of Perrinvale spoke of a “Witch of the Wilds” dwelling in the woods to the north, though she has apparently vanished, as no one has reported seeing her in several years.  Perhaps she was always just a tall tale.  So, the road feels as safe as any other.

The day’s travel eventually turns to night, and the wagons grope almost blindly along the path.  There is an inn not too far ahead.  Even though it is too small to offer beds to the whole circus, everyone looks forward to stopping and resting for the night, even in the wagons.

The Tale Begins

Welcome to Father Bento’s Wondrous Traveling Circus!  For the past five years or so, this collection of wagons has traveled the villages and towns of the local three kingdoms of the Midlands; Cambria, Estarra, and Gwynedd.  Over those years, the reputation of the circus has grown; now it is considered a must-see attraction, by common folk and the privileged alike.  The brown, worn wagons themselves are not much to look at, nor are the modest tan tents that are erected at each stop along they’re seemingly random route, but inside each tent, some large some small, a different act brings diversion and entertainment to the locals; jugglers, acrobats, wrestlers, a lion tamer, a knife thrower, sword fighters, a fortune teller, and a magic act, and through it all, minstrels wander, pleasing the gathered audience with their songs, a range from bawdy and whimsical to deeply moving and sorrowful.

The kingdoms traveled by the circus are three of those that emerged in the Midlands after the withdrawal of the Kythan Empire, several generations ago.  With its capital situated on the great Deirdhlif river, Cambria is well positioned for trade both to the north and south.  A dozen years ago, the king of Cambria was assassinated during a diversion of fire.  One of his advisers, Lord Malthus Davant, a man with minor magical talent, assumed power as Lord Protector, though not with universal approval.  In the first few years after taking control, Lord Davant quelled a few rebellions, and dissent seems to have faded away.  Stability and prosperity have returned to the land.  Many wonder why Davant has not become king, and now in his forties, and still unmarried, the question begins to be asked as to who would rule after him.

In Estarra, King Tomas II ascended to the throne 8 years ago at the young age of 15, after the unexpected death of his father.  For the first 5 years of his reign, he ruled in close consultation with his uncle, Baron Conrad of Northmark.  Then, 3 years ago, they had a bitter falling out; no one knows the reason.  Now, the two refuse to speak to each other, and Conrad considers his lands an independent domain.  So far, the dispute has been all bluster and posturing, with only the most minor of skirmishes here and there, but there is the slight unease all around that the tensions could worsen to armed conflict, which could devastate the kingdom’s fertile farmland.

Gwynedd is the smallest and poorest of these three kingdoms.  The aging King Owain is a wise enough ruler, but he has become more and more obsessed with the idea of his land as an heir to the elven courts of old.  Much time and money is spent on researching and then sending expeditions to old ruins that might date to those times.  Though perhaps considered more shameful is the free reign he grants to his only child and daughter, Elowyn, who has been spotted in taverns, engaging in unsupervised duels, and other unseemly activity.

Through these three kingdoms, Father Bento’s Wondrous Traveling Circus makes its way, seemingly at random, always welcome wherever it goes.  It is even whispered that Father Bento and his circus takes in those who are down in their luck, or perhaps seeking to flee a slightly dark past.

A Brief History of the Northlands (as is generally known in the lands of Men)

Very little is known before the founding of the first cities, which coincided with the earliest systematic keeping of records.  Aekania is today recognized as the first city, bolstered by the records kept in its Bardic College, Library of the Pantheon, and University.  Some dispute this, however, claiming that the fallen city of Ostrakyn arose first, perhaps along with some other cities consumed by its cataclysm.

Ostrakyn and all the lands around it that would come to be known collectively as “Ostran” developed a great interest, and reliance, in the magical arts.  Those who mastered such arts were revered in these lands, and gained political power, sometimes offered by the populace and sometimes taken by might.  From time to time these Mage lords clashed with one another, but also, the wiser ones would come together in councils seeking to pool their knowledge.  From these councils, certain rules were established to govern how the Mages interacted with one another.  Among these was the decision to establish an Archmage as single ruler of the Ostran lands.  The exact procedure of selecting an Archmage was lost in the cataclysm.

When the Ostrakyn Magiocracy was firmly established, another culture with an entirely different outlook was rising on the other side of the Northlands, the Kythan people, so named for the city of Kythos.  The Kythan folk were great believers in the ability of man to advance by his own labors and came to revere such gods who encouraged such.  Chief among these were Stregat, the god of battle and tactics, Saanesir, the god of wisdom and learning, and Baric, the god of builders and other craftsmen.  While the Ostran lands followed Mage lords, the earliest leaders among the Kythan folk were warlords.  Mostly by strength of arms, but with diplomacy as well, the Kythan lands began to unite under the banner of the imperial city of Kythos.

In between these two human cultures, in those early days of history, man had not settled as thoroughly and courts of elves ruled.  The interactions between elves and men differed from court to court though most scholars today consider the overall approach to have been positive.  It is accepted that these elven courts actually predate the human cities though no one knows for sure.

In any case, the Ostran Mage lords came to see the elves as rivals, especially as their kingdoms grew in prosperity, and desired to learn the secrets of their unique magic.  At first, diplomats were sent, but the elves showed them little respect, claiming that their way would be too alien to the human mages.  Then, spies were sent with only very limited success.  Slowly, the Mage lords grew frustrated and led raiding parties to take prisoners.

Tensions between the Ostrakyn magiocracy and the elven courts ultimately led to war.  By size, the armies of both sides were quite small, as each relied heavily on individual mages.  The war brought death and destruction to both sides as wars do.  In the end, the elves retreated from the realms of man, which the Mage lords claimed as a great victory.  With the elves gone, the Midlands largely fell under the sway of the Ostrakyn magiocracy, though the growing Kythan empire expanded there as well.  Mostly, the mages showed very little interest in direct rule, but collected tributes from the supposedly conquered lands.

It looked inevitable that the two growing empires would collide, and start a new war.  Throughout the Kythan lands, tales of the depravity of power hungry mages spread, most likely exaggerated but based on kernels of truth.  Kythan folk had always placed far greater trust and respect in physical human labor, but now great suspicion and disgust toward magic took hold.  Meanwhile, the Mage lords scoffed at anyone who would shun magic, considering such folk beneath them.

The confrontation between the two lands never occurred, after an event that perhaps proved some truth to the Kythan outlook.  The latest Archmage became quite obsessed with his own power, and sought the secrets of life itself, seeking immortality.  Perhaps he even succeeded, as a foul blight spread across the lands, emanating from the city of Ostrakyn, perhaps even from the Archmage’s tower itself.  All men agree that after these terrible times there is now far less magic in the land.  Whether this is due solely to the mad Lich’s spell, or the war with the elves, or perhaps other causes is still a matter of debate.

The Ostran lands were thrown into disarray.  In the fear and panic that followed, most remaining Mage lords were overthrown.  Still, some mages persevered, aiding the common folk were they could.  In the end, a great Academy of magic was founded, as a place to teach mages constraint in their powers.  While the Academy would never hold the direct political power of the Mage lords, it has become an arbiter between the singular city states that now make up the Ostran lands.

With the collapse of the Ostrakyn magiocracy, the Kythan empire was now able to expand rapidly into the Midlands, most notably conquering the already ancient city of Aekania. For a time, it appeared the Kythan empire would dominate the entire Northlands, perhaps forever. The new conquests brought great wealth to the empire, but its new size also presented challenges to governing.

As well, emperors, still ingrained with the mindset of their warlord ancestors, sought to expand further.  Expeditions into the deeper Northern kingdoms met with great difficulty.  The land itself seemed to conspire against the Kythans here, from rocky terrain, to incredibly dense forests, to bitter cold.  A few gains were made but were found impossible to hold.  A foray into the Ostran lands as well proved futile.  Enough time had passed that they had regrouped behind the Academy.  Battles could be won, but the Kythans were now too far from home to effectively hold lands.

The supply of Kythan soldiers was far from endless, and with the Empire’s size and continued expeditions, they turned more and more to the hiring of mercenaries.  To ease the burden on the central bureaucracy, more autonomy was granted to the provincial governors.  Perhaps still, the Empire could have lasted quite a while, until a succession crisis resulted in a long, and complicated civil war.  Aekania won its independence, other provinces broke away, and in the end, the core Kythan states fractured into several duchies.

The imperial city itself now stands alone, controlled and governed by the Order of the Guard, who formerly served as protectors of the Emperor.  Their official doctrine states that they would welcome and serve one a legitimate new Emperor, though the accepted belief is that the Guard itself would deny any such claimant as false.  The heart of the city is still a fortress, well fortified and stationed on the twin hills.  The city and the libraries of both the Guard and the temples has become a destination for pilgrims, seeking its splendor and ancient knowledge.

Between the Kythan and Ostran lands, the Midland Kingdoms are relatively young nations that emerged in the vacuum left as the Kythan armies returned to the core of the empire.  The kings in these new realms came from a mix of backgrounds; some former Kythan governors able to maintain their local power, some local nobility, either native or Kythan immigrants, some local strongmen able to seize a crown through might.  In many cases, the new rulers traced their lineage back to Midland royalty of old, elven or otherwise.  Who can quite say what the truth of these claims are.  With the Kythan empire now fractured and its core lands greatly divided and the Ostran city states only the merest shadow of the former Ostrakyn magiocracy, these kingdoms appear finally free to forge their own identity and future.  When left relatively free of the ravages of war, the Midlands offer vast swaths of fertile farmland, which promise growth and prosperity.

Farther north lie those lands whose inhospitable terrain left them largely free of conquest, but also rather small and at times forgotten.  Old traditions persist here, and often a harsh land has produced harsh customs.  Perhaps most notable among these far North places is the land of Scendara, farthest to the north, oft covered in snow.  In the later days of the Kythan empire, this land was united by the great chieftain Harulf, who raided even into Kythan lands.  At his death, the ideal of a high king of Scendara persists, though few have dared to take up that mantle.

These are the four main areas of the Northlands today; the Kythan states, the Midlands, the Ostran city states, and the far North.

 

A Quest of Time

A long, long time ago, there lived a beautiful princess, whom everyone said was so full of spirit.  Word of her admirable character spread far and wide and, unfortunately, reached the ear of an evil sorcerer, who made plans to kidnap her.  For if he could hold the princess captive for a full count of days, until the next day of the sun, then he could consume her soul and achieve immortality.

When winter had just begun to fade, and the greens of life began to return to the land, the princess sat one morning upon the grass in her garden, at ease in nature’s beauty.  There, the sorcerer came cloaked in magic and abducted her, well pleased with his timing, as no one had seen him steal her away, save one tiny, inconsequential butterfly.  The sorcerer could now simply wait out the days for surely no one could know he had taken the girl.

Yet, on the first day, the lowly butterfly flew off to the cottage of brave Sir Pellinore, a man who had been raised among the wood folk.  The druids had taught him the ways of nature, so that he could understand the flutterings of the butterfly.  Quickly, Sir Pellinore packed his gear for the journey to seek out the evil sorcerer and free the princess.

On the second day, Sir Pellinore set out by ship across the great sea toward the land of the sorcerer.  Alas, a mischievous sea sprite caught sight of the boat and fancied to play with it.  The creature built up great waves and tossed them at the ship, causing it to rock violently upon the water.  Fortunately, Pellinore had spent some of his youth among the sailors and had learned how to ride out a storm.  He knew where to cling and held on for dear life.  As was its nature, the sprite eventually grew bored and ceased to play with the ship.

Pellinore steered the boat in to land on shores near where the sorcerer lived, but the unexpected turbulence of the sea had drawn the sorcerer’s attention and he was now aware of Pellinore’s arrival.  The sorcerer soon summoned a storm of his own, this one over the desert that Pellinore now had to cross.  The sands swirled in the wind and struck against him, yet Pellinore was not deterred, for as a young man he had spent time among the desert folk, learning their secrets.  He knew how to protect himself and where to tread.  Yet, the sandstorm did slow him down such that it took two days to travel across rather than one.

So, on the fifth day, Pellinore finally arrived at the oasis where the evil sorcerer made his home.  He could see the wizard’s tower rising up in the center, but immediately stretched out before him was a vast maze of hedges.  Pellinore was not discouraged though, for in his adulthood, he had sought the wisdom of the philosophers and studied with them.  From his pack, he took a large ball of string and tied one end to a branch at the entrance.  Therefore, Pellinore was never entirely lost among all the twists and turns of the maze.  As the day ended, he had finally maneuvered all the way through to the base of the tower, though he needed time to rest.

There, as the next day dawned, when he turned toward the tower, Pellinore found himself face to face with the tower’s magical guardian, a great golem made of stone.  One look and Pellinore could see that this creature could never be harmed by physical blows.  As it ambled towards him, Pellinore thought quickly and raced back through the hedges, following his trail of string.  The inanimate golem would never tire of the chase as it lumbered after, but Pellinore had spent the first years of middle age among the mountain men and his endurance was great.  He led the creature fully through the maze and out onto the sands, which could not hold its great weight.  When the golem had fully sunk down and was trapped, Pellinore cautiously passed around it and hurried back toward the tower as night fell.

Time was running short.  The evil sorcerer looked out to see Pellinore’s progress growing closer and closer.  At first, he thought his plan would be foiled, but then he struck upon a way to thwart Pellinore.  The sorcerer summoned a great and powerful elemental of air and commanded it to fly with greatest speed around the earth.  Pellinore felt a mighty gust of wind as the being sped out from the tower, but was powerless to stop it.  Pellinore rushed to the door of the tower, but alas the elemental had already completed his circuit.  Time had accelerated at its passage and the day of the sun had come one hour sooner.  Even as Pellinore entered the tower, the evil sorcerer had completed his vile spell and consumed the young princess’ soul, vanishing from Pellinore’s sight.

Thus, today we still lose an hour at this time every year as the elemental is still compelled by the sorcerer’s foul magic.

Do you think this story too sad?  Look again to see that Pellinore still has arrived at the tower and the princess, though soulless, is still there.  Perhaps there is hope that Pellinore might yet find a way to revive her, but that would be an entirely new tale.

A Short Story

Dead Enough for Life or Alive Enough for Death

They moved as dead things, slowly, with herky-jerky motions.  They were soulless creatures, barely even aware of the task they performed.  Only minimal vestiges of life showed on the physical husks that served as human bodies.  One would be hard pressed to find any sign of spirit.

In other words, it was a typical morning in the warehouse, and a Monday at that.  After all, work like this would drain anyone of life.  The art of moving boxes from one big pile to stack in another smaller pile was hardly inspiring.

The groan of metal suddenly called to whatever attention they could muster, announcing the burly burden of their fat boss moving down the steps from his lofty office.  The creaking of the stairs was like a wail of protest against his excessive weight.

“Here comes The Hut”, one of them said, knowing he would not be heard over the squeaking sounds of the stairs.  The Hut was their entirely unaffectionate nickname for their overbearing overlord.

“Hey, fellas,” The Hut called for their attention as he reached the workroom floor, suggesting a camaraderie that did not exist.  “There’s a problem.”

“Some of you,” he continued, “and I won’t name names,” he paused, as if they cared to speculate for themselves who might be at fault.

“Well, these few of you haven’t been putting the proper header strips on your invoices,” he announced dramatically.  “Now, I don’t need to tell you how important this is” (probably because it wasn’t), “but the folks up in billing sure would appreciate you getting this right.  I’ll print up a memo that you can post in your lockers to remind yourself.”

Another dramatic pause to let the gravity of the situation sink in, and then he concluded, “now let’s say we get out there and get some packages delivered.”

The Hut liked to talk as if he ever did any actual delivering, or physical work of any kind, other than the climb up the stairs, which he now started to undertake with great effort.  After such an inspiring speech, it was almost a relief to pack up one’s truck and get on the road.

Within a half hour or so, Pete was driving out with a full day’s worth of deliveries to make.  Feeling the wind of the open road was rather reinvigorating compared to the stuffy warehouse, and the music from his station of choice livened his drive further.  His first step of the day was as usual the local elementary school.  He wheeled in a dozen boxes and left them with the nice old lady secretary at the front desk.  Of course, she gave him the same line she always did that he was doing his part “to feed little brains”.

Leaving the school parking lot, Pete made his way over to the local strip mall for the string of business deliveries he had to make there.  The sales clerks in such establishments had established their own language through the years.  A certain kind of grunt passed for hello while a slight variation changed the meaning to “thank you”.  Furthermore, their faces were all stuck in a perpetual grouchy expression, and their signatures were all the same half assed wavy line.  He would have thought them less than human if they didn’t remind him of his co-workers and, if he was honest, himself as well, on bad days at least.

The office building Pete stopped at next was almost the exact opposite, although ultimately lacking humanity just the same.  All the receptionists wore fake smiles, which seemed painted on just the same as the excessive amounts of make-up.  Pete was fairly certain even the male employees who manned the front desks in this building wore cosmetics.  Everyone seemed overly concerned with covering even the smallest of physical imperfections, and also really hiding their true personality.  This was a whole building of people uncomfortable in their own skin.

After getting out of there, Pete finished up the last few of his business deliveries which made it officially time for lunch.  He made some abrupt, ill advised lane changes and within several minutes, he was pulling into the drive thru at the closest fast food burger establishment.  As he waited behind a line of other cars, he pondered how none of those words really applied to this place.  Eventually, he reached the hideously arranged menu board.  Static blared out from the speaker call box, and he yelled back his order.  The minimum wage employee on the other end responded in the usual monkey speak, “wuduliktupsizfernineninecentmor?”

Of course, this didn’t even require a response as the friendly customer order summary screen immediately finalized his order for the default size.  Sometimes, Pete liked to pretend he had communicated his refusal telepathically, which had about the same success rate as trying to influence traffic lights with his thoughts.  It was actually a little unnerving how little actual communication took place in these lunchtime transactions.  Everything was so robotic, as if both he and the worker taking his order weren’t really human.  There were many days, Pete wasn’t even entirely sure of that person’s gender, occasionally even after he’d met said person at the pickup window.

Pete pulled around to the window now and made the wordless exchange of paper currency for a paper bag with enticing smells which only promised a letdown during actual consumption.  He drove over to a parking spot to enjoy the wonderful ambience of eating in his truck.  Lunch was the same tasteless mush it always was, which was mildly disturbing in its own right, and even more so since Pete varied what he ordered.  Pete washed it down with his soda.  He nearly spit everything back out when he tasted that yet again they had given him Diet rather than regular.  Same as he did every day, Pete wished he had put a little more thought into his lunch selection.

With his lunch break concluded less than satisfactorily, Pete drove off to start on the residential deliveries.  As usual, most involved dropping a box on a doorstep when no one answered the doorbell or his knocking.  Every once in a while, Pete thought he noticed someone peeking out past curtains or blinds to see who was calling, but inevitably there was still no answer, as if he was some sort of monster to these people or perhaps they were the monsters, allergic to the sunlight.  With his consideration turned to creatures, Pete was at least thankful there were no loose dogs today.

Eventually, Pete’s route took him to an apartment building.  Company procedure required knocking on individual doors for each package, but it was pretty common practice just to quickly pile everything in the parcel delivery bin next to the mail slots.  Today, though, Pete felt like killing some time and started in to see what he could hand deliver.  Soon enough, he began to question his decision as his efforts made little response, just as with all the houses he had visited.  His mind wandered and he was just going through the motions with half hearted knocks.

Then, to his astonishment, one of the doors swung upon for him.  His eyes widened in further shock as he saw the lady standing in the doorway, barely dressed in something out of a lingerie catalog.  Sadly, she hadn’t aged well, though Pete couldn’t really say how old she was.  She had probably been rather attractive some years ago, but that beauty had faded, particularly on her face.  Her eyes looked devoid of life.  Even the makeup intended to make her seem pretty just suggested that her face was decaying.

Gathering himself, Pete figured he should apologize for intruding, but the woman acted before he could form any words.  She ripped the package Pete was delivering from his hands, and flung it against the wall across the room, even though it was marked fragile.  The sound of shattering porcelain was oddly invigorating.  The lady grabbed Pete’s wrist and tugged, trying to drag him inside.  Her grip was surprising strung and her nails dug into his flesh, like some kind of hag witch creature.

Though it was certainly against company rules, and despite her haggard appearance, Pete found himself a little tempted.  Any feeling at all would be a welcome break from the soul crushing monotony of the day.  The woman turned, pulling Pete with her.  The sight of her unkempt hair made Pete think of Medusa.  Rather than morphing into stone, though, this unnerved him even more and broke the fragmentary spell  this she creature had on him.  Mustering all his strength, Pete pulled free of her grasp and beat a hasty retreat down the hallway.  Not wanting to risk a wait for the elevator, he fled down the stairs.  Quickly depositing the last of his deliveries in the parcel delivery bin, Pete hurried from the building and jumped into his truck.

As he hurriedly drove off, Pete noticed that the woman had left a wicked scratch on his arm with her nails.  He only half jokingly wondered if he should get checked for rabies.  Distracted, he barely noticed the red light in time, slamming on the brakes to screech to a halt, the front of the truck sticking slightly out into the intersection.  He heard the last few of the boxes in the back fall to the floor.  He hoped nothing was broken, because he wanted to avoid the hassle of dealing with that rather than out of any sense of altruism.  Pete was grateful that the day’s trend continued as no one answered the door during these last few deliveries.

Heading back to headquarters, Pete was glad this day was almost over, not that there was anything particular happening in his personal life this evening, or most days.  It would be another night of pizza, beer, and reality television, but Pete looked forward to it.  Laughing at how pathetic the people on those shows were helped him ignore his own mindless existence.  The last strains of the song “Dragula” blared through the radio as Pete pulled into the warehouse parking lot.

Leaving his truck in the usual spot, he headed inside to drop off his paperwork and punch out for the day.  For the moment, he was the only one in the building.  Pete stood at his locker to change his sweat drenched shirt.  He heard someone enter behind him and turned his head for a quick look to see who it was.

“Hey, Jenkins,” Pete called out and then turned back to concentrate on unbuttoning his shirt.  There was no reply but that was fairly normal around here.  Pete took off his work top and tossed it into his locker.  He pulled on a fresh t-shirt, and turned around.  Jenkins sure seemed to be moving slowly, and Pete now noticed how strange he looked.  He was walking badly, dragging his leg, and he had bruises on his face and arms, as if he had been mauled by a dog.

“Man, what got you Jenkins?” Pete asked.

Jenkins still didn’t say anything, continuing to shuffle closer and closer.  Pete just stood there, with no consideration that something extraordinary might be going on.  After a typically mind numbing day, there really wasn’t any thought at all going on in Pete’s brain.  Jenkins’ approach was a super slow motion oncoming rush of a predator.  Before Pete could process what was going on, Jenkins was right in front of him and grabbing him.  Pete was surprised by the strength of Jenkins’ grip, who was certainly not muscular.  Pete was still in shock as Jenkins leaned closer and bit into Pete’s neck.

Jenkins munched away for a while, and the disease soon worked its way through Pete’s system.  Pete felt himself turning into a soulless creature.  Maybe it wasn’t much of a transformation, but he was now condemned to this reality, to be driven by a perverse hunger to feed on humans.  As the change overcame Pete, Jenkins moved away to a new victim as another driver had returned to the base.

When the next driver arrived, Pete was fully drained of whatever humanity he had possessed and followed Jenkins to feast on this prey.  Through the evening and into the night, one by one their co-workers drifted in to be taken and changed.  Almost all of the crew was transformed, save for a few that had finished their day earlier than Pete.  Now that the disease had turned them mindless, they stayed in the warehouse all night, just shuffling around randomly, which was oddly nearly indistinguishable from their movements any morning.  There was no pattern to their ambling, though if one checked the surveillance camera footage by chance during just the right timeframe, there was a period where they appeared to be recreating the “Thriller” dance.

Eventually, morning came, which only mattered to the small mob as it brought the arrival of new victims.  By the time the sun was fully risen, the last of the drivers had been converted.  Then, The Hut entered the warehouse.

“Hey fellas,” he addressed them.  “why haven’t you started sorting the boxes?”

He stood there like an idiot.  Probably no one would have bothered to respond even if they hadn’t all been turned into creatures driven only by their hunger.  Before The Hut could even think to react, his former employees had swarmed him.  Despite their utter inability to feel any emotion, they seemed almost enthusiastic as they zealously began to feast on The Hut’s flesh.  This was more effort than he had ever inspired in them before.  Several times, satisfying crunching sounds announced that they had penetrated past bone.  Chunks of The Hut’s brain came flying out.  Some of it splattered across a pile of invoices stacked next to the computer on the work bench.  That probably wasn’t what he had meant by “putting a proper header” on them, but at least solidarity among the staff had been achieved.

(This piece was inspired by something Alan Edwards is working on.  Let me give credit to the band “Icon of Coil“, the song title is from a song of theirs; credit also to Rob Zombie and Michael Jackson, whose songs feature, and to myriad other bands whose particular musical stylings helped influence this; and credit to the movie “Office Space”.)

Thing I wrote, intended as an excerpt

For the sake of context, the idea is that these episodes would be parts of chapters 2 and 4, which is in high school.  I have ideas of where it goes but not sure what I’ll do.  If you are lactose intolerant, or have cholesterol problems, be forewarned there’s a lot of cheese.

(from chapter 2)

He rushed down the stairs and down the hall, desperate not to be late for class, even though he always made it with a couple minutes to spare.  As he reached the door to the room for his math class, he looked up.  Even though the hall was pretty crowded, somehow his gaze went straight to the girl just stepping off the far staircase, Elizabeth Logan.  She was super pretty, as always.  She looked up, and he felt himself blush.  He realized he was standing and staring like an idiot, blocking the doorway.  He quickly stepped into his classroom and darted over to sit at his desk.

Rattled by his shyness, he tried to relax.  He told himself there was no way she had seen him looking, as crowded as the hallway always was.  Besides, a girl like her would never notice a nobody guy like him.  She was in with the popular crowd, and he was just a nerdy guy who spent most of his time in the library or in front of a computer.  His claim to extracurricular fame was a shelf of trophies from the math team, while she played on the tennis team.

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t even noticed that class had started, not that his attention was really needed.  His math teacher’s method was to jot the equations on the board and then go through the motions of solving them himself, blindly trusting that the class would just follow along.  Needless to say, math classes were always very productive, if one counted doodling and coming up with role-playing game ideas.

Today, though, he couldn’t keep his mind off Elizabeth.

(from chapter 4)

He didn’t last long in the gym.  He actually liked dance music, but the crowd made him extremely nervous.  He knew it was weird to be there by himself.  He never should have come.  His anxious mind convinced him of the illogical reality that everyone saw him and judged him for being alone at the same time as no one even knew he was there.  He slipped out a side door and wandered off to the football field.  At least it was a beautiful, clear night, he thought staring up at a sky full of stars.  The sight was always peaceful.  The countless points of light seemed like an infinite array of possibilities, and this thought gave him hope.

A sudden sound, something like a gasp broke him from his reverie.  He stood still and listened.  After a moment, he could hear soft sobbing coming from the bleachers.  Perhaps inspired by the stars, he acted against his nature.  His curiosity piqued, he drifted slowly towards whoever was crying.

A hunched form perched on the bottom row of the bleachers came into focus out of the dark of night, looking like such a sad sight, even without seeing a face and tears.  The weeping continued softly, as if the person was trying to muffle the sound, even out here, presumably alone.

He felt sympathy flowing from his heart, but another impulse urged him to just walk away.  Here he was, the boy who never knew what to say in a social situation, wanting to offer comfort, but what could he really do.  Even if he thought of the right words, what help would those be.  Perhaps it would be best just to walk away than have some foolish attempt make things worse.  Surely someone more qualified, with more social skills, would be able to offer consolation soon enough.

As his doubts swirled within him, he happened to look up into the vastness of space, with its limitless possibilities, and that gave him courage.  He kept his gaze up on the stars, a lingering sliver of cowardice.  Maybe the trick was to talk to them.  Despite his nerves, and trying to sound confident and sure, he spoke.

“Hey, it’s going to be alright.”

The crying stopped, the silence suggesting an element of surprise.  He looked down at the same moment that she looked up.  Seeing who it was, he began to panic, embarrassed that he had been so bold as to speak to her and feeling guilty just to be here to witness her moment of weakness.  He wanted to run away and hide, but he stayed frozen in place.  Then, on her tear stained face, a smile took shape.

“Thanks,” Elizabeth said.

She began to wipe her face off with the sleeve of her sweater, while he stood there dumbstruck.  When Elizabeth had gathered herself a bit, she was the one to break the silence.

“So, what are you doing out here?”

“Oh, umm,” he stammered defensively.  “I, uh, thought I’d, umm, come look at the, uh, stars.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean it as an accusation,” she replied.  “I’m just a little on edge right now.”

He felt his discomfort rising that she was apologizing to him when she had been the one crying, but he shrugged it off.  He was going to try to do what he could just to make her feel better.

“Ya, I’m sorry to see you cry,” he told her, “but you still look beautiful.”

He had no idea where those last words came from, but at least they rang true.

“Thanks,” she replied, with the slightest smirk to suggest she didn’t believe it, that she must look awful with tears everywhere and her makeup ruined.

There was another pause, and then Elizabeth asked if he wanted to sit.  The nerves were still there, but he sat down next to her.  Again, there was awkward silence, but the unease gradually passed as they gazed out at the night sky side by side.  Sometime later, he realized he had put his arm around her, which he didn’t remember doing at all.  At first, he thought he should move it off, but it dawned on him that she seemed comfortable and had actually shifted in a bit.

Eventually, they began to talk again.  He told Elizabeth about his music that he had kept secret from everyone at school, and she told him how she liked to paint and played chess with her father.  Then, she asked him to tell her about the stars.  He started to point out various constellations.

“What’s that one?” Elizabeth pointed straight up.

It took him a moment to figure out where she was pointing.  “Oh, that’s Mars.”

“Like the candy bar?”

He couldn’t help but laugh.  “Nah, the Romans named it after the god of war because of its red look, like blood.”

He felt a bit pompous explaining it, but Elizabeth didn’t seem to mind.

“Well,” she said, “it’s still pretty, despite the violent name.”

“I’ll take you there some day,” he declared, emboldened by the beauty of the moment, as a light drizzle had started to fall.

“Promise?” Elizabeth replied, with seeming sincerity.

“I promise,” he assured her with complete sincerity, though without an idea how it might come to pass.

Bioshock Infinite (POSSIBLE SPOILERS)

Let me preface this by saying that I try to write game reviews as spoiler free as possible.  I will touch on the plot as little as I can, but it’s still possible that little spoilers might pop up here and there.  Also, I know some people might find discussion of a game’s flavor, especially as it progresses, to be somewhat spoiling and I do have some of that in here.  I will also point out here that I never played the previous Bioshock games, nor do I know much about them, so my impressions of this game exist in a vacuum as someone knew to the franchise.

Bioshock Infinite begins on a small rowboat as the protagonist, played by you, is being rowed to a solitary lighthouse.  The only clue to your purpose is the line “bring us the girl and repay the debt” (that may not be exact).  Presumably the two others in the rowboat are your employers in this endeavor.  Upon reaching the dock, they leave you to enter the lighthouse on your own.  Entering the lighthouse, you can start collecting some coin and food.  In terms of gameplay, you’ll note that food is used to replenish health.  Over the course of the game, your character will become quite the glutton and almost certainly pack on the pounds with all this eating.  At first, I thought I was picking up food to use later, but soon realized that no, you eat when you find it, you can’t store any for later.

Upon reaching the top of the lighthouse, you’ll find that someone has left a rather morbid warning for you, suggesting that your mission will involve a certain amount of conflict.  Also here, in the center of the uppermost, is a chair, which seems to beckon you to sit in it.  Once you do, straps bind you in place and the compartment with the chair, and you, launches up into the sky, eventually entering a city in the clouds.

The building you have landed in seems to be some sort of chapel, and this city clearly seems quite devout.  Exiting this chapel, you enter the city proper and can begin to explore the wonders of this city in the air.  The city is a mystery, the girl you are after is a mystery, and even you yourself are a mystery.  You know your name, Booker DeWitt, and you know you have some sort of debt that you are eager to repay and that’s about it.

Moving through the city, I was a bit disappointed that you can’t seem to really interact with anyone.  Occassionally you’ll overhear snatches of conversation, but there’s no real dialogue that you can partake in.  Even as the plot progresses, Booker will just say his lines at the appropriate point without any input from the player (with a couple exceptions).  On the one hand, this fixes the problem at the opposite end of the spectrum where some games end up mired in a lot of seemingly pointless and, worse, repetitive dialogue.  Still, it made me feel a bit less invested in my character.  I also felt a further gap with my character as there seems to be practically no player choice in any of his actions (with a few possible exceptions).  This feeling led me back to how little the player knows about Booker, and in the early part of the game, made me wish I knew a bit more to have a better sense of my motivations.  Later on, though, this lack of “self” knowledge began to make more and more sense.

Despite feeling a little disinvested in my character in the early going, I was still enjoying the game.  As I moved through the plot, the mysteries became layered with further questions.  Sometimes, I would figure out a plot twist, but it was still presented in such a way that just knowing the mere fact of it hardly resolved the mystery.  Storytelling in this way I really enjoyed.  The lore recorders you find as you play do a pretty nice job augmenting this, giving you just little tidbits at a time to keep you thinking.

As far as the gameplay goes, I feel I’m not the best judge as I’m sort of indifferent to first person shooters.  As far as I’m concerned, I would have taken a neverending stream of Baldur’s Gate style turn based, real time blend.  The first few combats I got in here in Bioshock Infinite, I actually ended up dying several times, though probably because I was standing around gaping at the scenery while getting gunned down.  That said, once I started to get the hang of it, I did enjoy the combat style for the most part.  As the game progresses, you’ll find a bunch of “magic spells” or “biotics” (in this game called “vigors”) that you can use to compliment your gunplay, which also gets varied by different kinds of weapons.  Later on, you’ll also acquire an ally who will offer some other options during combat.  There’s also four slots for gear that gives you certain benefits, which you can ultimately fit to your style, although most of it is in the latter half of the game.

One headline (I didn’t actually watch the video review) which I noticed before playing the game stated that you should play on Hard to get the best experience.  For myself, I stayed on Normal and found that to be a good balance of challenge mixed with some easy fights when I had my strategy down.  I tended to play a bit simply, sticking mostly with my guns though, so I could see that article’s premise holding true for folks who are really into FPS gameplay and want to be challenged to use all available resources.

I finished the game with a bit over 17 hours of playtime, and I do think I scouted around a good deal, though I know I missed at least (very minor I think) little side trip.  This seemed rather on the short side for a game, but I really don’t feel like there should have been more.  Perhaps a bit more exploration would have been nice, but I would much rather have a game end a little on the short side than start to feel like it’s dragging on.  This did feel like pretty much just the right length.

So, if you like FPS games at all, I would definitely recommend giving Bioshock Infinite a go.  If, like me, you’re not as much into that, the game still has a lot to offer with a beautifully crafted story.  I will say that the plot starts to get pretty weird about midway through the game, plunging into some deep sci-fi stuff.  Just when your brain starts to wrap around that, there’s a whole new level of weirdness, and the ending will really make you think.  After an hour or two of thought though, I am currently of the opinion that the ending works pretty well.

The Secret World Review (and Some General MMO Discussion)

Back in the summer, I happened to catch some talk about an upcoming MMO (Massively Multiplayer Online for anyone who may not know) called The Secret World.  I believe I first heard about it via Link Dead Gaming, and I then looked into the official website about it.  I was intrigued, mainly for two reasons.  First, the subject matter was something I hadn’t seen in any MMO before, and very little in video games in general.  The basic premise is that everything is true; all the myths, legends, and folklore, and working to keep the dark truths at bay are the secret societies, which of course are also real.  You play as a member of one of the three secret orders; the Templars, the Illuminati, and the Dragon.  Roughly speaking, these break down along cultural lines; European, American, and Asian.  The second feature that caught my eye was that the game emphasized Investigative style missions, where you actually have to figure out clues and even do internet research to figure out what to do and where to go to finish the quests.  In my opinion, this seemed like a welcome change from how dumbed down a lot of questing in MMOs became starting with WoW.

When the game was released back in July, though, I hesitated about picking it up.  Looking back, I’m not sure off the top of my head what other games I was playing at that point.  I think I was done with Mass Effect 3, so my guess would be the Civilization expansion for the most part.  So, I did have “room” to start on another game.  The biggest turn off about The Secret World was that it was an MMO.  I’ve had my ups and downs with MMOs through the years.  I’ve enjoyed them quite a bit, but they have several downsides that unfortunately are pretty intrinsic to how you play them.  For one, while it’s fun to play with other people, being on a server with a large mass of other people actually doesn’t really lead to playing with them.  Again starting with WoW (in my experience), MMOs tried to make themselves more user friendly, which resulted in much of their content being playable solo, so there really isn’t an emphasis to group.  It would still be fun to play socially if you have good company, but allow me to refer you to this PvP comic about the general population experience in MMOs.

The other major flaw in MMOs is that because they are designed to be experienced roughly the same by a lot of people, they exist as environments without any story.  Many of them have very highly developed worlds where you can uncover a lot of backstory, but the emphasis is on the “back”.  The story you reveal while playing is largely how the world came to be how it is, rather than how you as the player are impacting it now.  The frustrating end result of this problem is that MMOs often end up feeling pointless in terms of their narrative.  No matter how much evil you fight, it’s just going to keep coming back.  It does seem like MMO developers are aware of this problem, and while I’ve started to shy away from the genre, I have seen some good efforts.  For instance, Rift did an okay job giving you some kind of impression that your efforts were actually fixing problems, although in the end seeing a whole mess of people running through the same content made it hard to maintain this illusion.

Finally, when you have those reservations, it’s hard to want to invest a monthly fee into something.  So, I held off for these months because of the stench of MMO, but off and on it did stay in my mind as something I might like to try, which led to putting it on my Christmas list.  After my mom bought it for me, I was pleased to find that it is now free to play, so there’s no more monthly fee.  Sure, there’s still a lot of “extras” you can invest real money in, if you feel the need.  Time will tell if I go that route myself.

I held off for about a week or so before playing for a variety of reasons, and started into it this past Sunday.  I have now spent most of my New Year’s holiday playing, so I thought I’d share my initial thoughts.  Obviously, the fact that I’ve spent a lot of time with it means I like it.  The biggest draw is, again, the fact that I don’t see this genre covered much in video games, and certainly not in MMOs.  Character creation starts with choosing your faction, and there’s some short videos to watch to get a feel for each.  I liked that flavor, though it did make me spend extra time debating which way to go.  Once you make that choice, you get into defining your character physically.  There’s a decent range of options.  I’ve certainly seen more, but this was plenty for me.  The clothing options seemed on the limited side, but that is one of those things that you can spend real money for if you want more.  You do got some bonus points for the online store from playing for a fairly short period as well, so you can expand the selection a bit, and it is also possibly to buy different clothes with in game money.

After creating your character, you get a nice intro video which I thought did a good job setting the mood and showing why you’re special, while leaving a bit of mystery to it.  I did go back and check with the other factions, and this introduction is the same for all three, up until the very last detail.  Then, you’re off to your faction’s headquarters where you get sucked in to a tutorial mission that’s a bit of a flashback.  Again, this created a nice sense of mystery which I’m hoping I will learn more about as I play.

Once, you finish that, your faction allows you to enter a weapon’s testing ground where you can play around with different weapon options.  Abilities in the game are all run by your weapon choice.  If you want to be a healer, that’s tied in with a couple different weapons.  It seems a little weird at first, but I think it works rather well.  There’s nine weapon options to start; 3 guns, 3 melee weapons, and 3 magical styles, with a few more that will come up later in the game that I haven’t gotten into yet.  You start with a single weapon, but you can use two weapons at a time and can get the second fairly quickly.  Over time as you play, you can learn abilities from any or all of the weapon types that you’d like.  Hypothetically, in the long haul, you could learn every ability from every weapon, however you can only use seven active and seven passive abilities at a time, assembled from just two types.

On the plus side, this means that if you like to experiment with different set ups, you can do so on a single character at whatever pace you’d like.  On the downside, this can turn into a lot to manage.  Even sticking to just two so far, I’m at the point where I have more abilities than I can use at a time, and it’s a bit agonizing figuring out what to equip.  It’s gotten easier as I’ve played around with it and seen how things work together, but it’s still a bit daunting.  For me personally, from a roleplaying flavor perspective, I prefer a bit of limit as well.  For instance, my character is the bookish type, but there may come a day where I have no choice but to start buying Assault Rifle skills.  Still, I like choice too and the ability to swap around to different roles, so there is an upside.  For example, I have a set up for fighting single targets and one for Area damage when fighting multiples, and it is fairly easy to swap between them.

So far, I have enjoyed combat in the game.  There’s a slightly greater emphasis on moving around during fights than I’ve had in other MMOs, which makes combat a bit more engaging.  It’s also been fun experimenting with different ability combinations.  There’s a good mix of fighting several weaker opponents versus one stronger one, so there’s been a nice variety in the combat experience.  So far, encounters haven’t really been too complex, though there are various details to watch.

One negative to the game, which has been persistent in pretty much all MMOs is that enemies do insist on attacking you long after fighting them was challenging, fun, or rewarding.  I have been able to avoid such encounters a good amount of the time, but it’s still there a bit more than I’d like.

Earning points to spend on abilities and skills does come from defeating enemies, but far more from finishing quests.  You’ll pretty much be working on quests constantly, though there’s sort of three different levels of quests.  There’s the storyline that follows a central plot for the area you’re in, then there’s various main quests which touch on major characters and themes in the area and then there’s fairly quick side quests.

The main quests themselves break into three types, normal, subterfuge, and investigation.  Normal is your usual “go here, click on this, kill that”, although in execution I find them nicely done.  Subterfuge quests take you into areas where you try to avoid certain environmental obstacles, such as staying out of the line of sight of security cameras.  Investigation quests are what I mentioned at the start as an intriguing idea, which involve puzzle solving, such as deciphering Morse code or lines of text that tell you where to go next.  I find both the subterfuge and investigation style options to be nice changes of pace as you’re going along.  I must say, however, that I’m a bit disappointed with the investigation quests.  For one thing, some of their content seemed pretty obscure.  Now, the idea is that at some points you would look information up online, but what’s odd about that at this point is doing so pretty much results in walkthroughs for the actual quests.  It would have been interesting to try them right at release.  Ultimately, I find that I get a little frustrated with the investigations and break down to look at spoilers more than I’d like, although there have been a couple I got through all on my own.  I do like having them as something different, but I can’t help feeling they could have been better.

The quests overall, though, are great, because as I’ve done them, I’m seeing some pretty intricate lore unfold.  I would say this is the true strength of the game.  I suppose with this being an MMO, I find myself skeptical as to whether this lore actually matters, or even if the plot from the story missions will matter, but while I’m playing, I’m finding myself just immersed in finding out the “secrets” of the “world”.  It’s been very enjoyable uncovering detail after detail and seeing things link up in unexpected ways.  Tonight, I found myself exploring the grounds of an occult school under siege, and delving down into its archives, chasing the current main “villain”.  I now have a surprising suspicion about who he might really be, and at the same time, I learned some details about the history of the school that link to other parts of town that I explored yesterday.  Adding to the feel of all this, I’m finding the soundtrack quite good.  I wouldn’t say it’s technically great music, but I keep noticing it in a way that really adds to the ambience.

In conclusion, for me, this game is a welcome addition to my library.  I’m enjoying exploring a different genre.  The lore and characters are top notch with some solid voice acting.  Gameplay is good, with some issues.  I’m still not thrilled with the MMO aspects although I’ve had a couple fun groups.  I don’t yet know what the end game really is; if the flavor holds up or if it just dissolves into MMO PvP.  If you enjoy modern day mystical themes and/or horror, I would say this is definitely worth a shot even if you don’t like MMOs.  Folks are welcome to come hang out with me on the PC version!

Thoughts of a Humbug

So, the holidays are here.  Thinking about that generally makes me miserable more often than not, and sadly it’s hard to avoid them.  I worked retail for several years, in which Christmas or Thanksgiving is really just “that one day off”.  This reality also makes it just about impossible to travel home, so I lost the concept of holidays being about “family time”.  I must say though that looking back now, I’m not sure “family time” even mattered to me back when I was young.  I generally don’t care for the typical holiday foods, and I saw my family often enough the rest of the year.  I don’t recall there ever being that one more distant relative that I only saw at a particular holiday.  In my youth, I enjoyed Christmas more than Thanksgiving, largely for one reason; getting gifts.  I was pretty greedy as a kid around that time of year, though I suspect no more than most children.  I am glad that I’ve grown out of that.

There was something else about Christmas that stood out from my youth; the feeling of magic.  One of the highlights of the Christmas season for me as a kid was going downtown to see all the lights and decorations.  My favorite was the department store that always set up scenes from the Nutcracker in the window.  Looking back now, and also thinking about what I’d like the holidays to mean for me again, the Nutcracker story is a nice reflection on my thoughts.

Putting together a set of Legos was always fun in itself, but the greater joy in them and similar toys is the idea that they’re a gateway to something more, a world in my imagination.  As stories come alive in my mind, scenes play out that illustrate a deeper meaning behind gift giving.  Heroes are made through acts of kindness, friendship, loyalty, and love.

I’m not as concerned these days with getting physical toys, but I am sometimes sad at how easy it can be at times to forget the meaning behind play.  There is no reason to let go of the stories.  I do still have them, not just in my mind, but as notes jotted down here and there scattered in closets, on floors, or in boxes.

As I look back on this past year, it seems to me I have played the role of the Magi on occasion, traveling a bit more than I had planned.  I generally didn’t have a fancy gift to bring, like incense or gold, but I’d like to think just bringing thanks and well wishes is meaningful.  For me, the extra travel has seemed to bring an unexpected appreciation of returning home.  Life still seems like an ongoing search to follow my star, or even identify which one is mine, but choosing to engage this exploration has been a good start.  An easy enough present to give to myself is to just keep getting out there and experiencing things, and hopefully by doing that, I can share myself with others in a positive way.

So, the challenge I make to myself this Christmas is to not hide away, either literally or in my mind, and put myself out in the world.  After all, the holiday can’t be bright if you turn off the lights.  At the same time, let me say there’s no need to robotically say “Merry Christmas” or whatever all the time.  Let’s all find our own meaning.